I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
