There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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