i just wanna soil my oats bro
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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