So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
