I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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