i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
