I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize