Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
