she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
