Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Boobs speak an international language.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
