You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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