the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
