I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
