she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
