It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
