Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
