i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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