After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
