I like to think it a success when the cops are called
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you inspire me to be a worse person
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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