a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Tornado booty call.. dedication
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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