I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
