This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize