The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
