don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize