About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
