You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
