I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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