If i come over, it means nothing
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
