Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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