her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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