She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
