I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
