Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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