It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
