the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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