Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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