Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
