seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You ruined the universe
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
