The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
