the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
