i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
