it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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