worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
What a dumb baby whore.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
