can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
