are you so shy because you have an std?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
