What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
