bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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