wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
and she was petting her beer can
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
