the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
