Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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