you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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