Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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