Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
