I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
