I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize