I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
