I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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