Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
