best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
