I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize