I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
