so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
