my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize