Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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