Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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