I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
