That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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