Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
