i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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