no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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