Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
