Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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