We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
