Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
