My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
