I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
please come you make the beer taste better
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
