I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
