fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
