That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
