turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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