it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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