All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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